You Are Good

So the first part of this blog is random but I wanted to throw in a song that I love.  We love some contemporary christian music playing in our house and car.  Callie seems to memorize every song on the radio.  It's amazing to see and hear our 3 year old sing songs about Jesus.  She's had lots of questions and conversations with us about God, Jesus, and Nana lately.  Mike will blog about that soon since he's had some really great time with her talking about Jesus.  There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't have a question or comment about it, especially about Nana.  She's trying to understand it just like we are.  Really, we don't know anymore than a 3 year old.  It's a mystery.  We will never understand.  But what is certain is that Nana is definitely in heaven with Jesus, safe and healed.  Callie brought something to my attention in one of our conversations.  We've always told her that Jesus lives in her heart.  Randomly one day she says "Nana lives in my heart too because she's with Jesus."  It was such a proud moment.  It was something I hadn't really thought about but its so true.  I was so proud of her for realizing that.  I was so proud of her that she was thinking about it even when we weren't talking about it.  And I was proud of Mike and I.  She's hearing us.  She's getting it.  She's teaching us.  She has been helping me in my grieving process of losing my mother more than she will ever know.  She has made me talk through it on a level that she can kind of understand.  The faith of a child is really beautiful.  It's simple.  It's brought it back to the basics before the world of cancer, suffering, medicine, doctors, and hospitals complicated it.  God had Mom covered.  I truly believe He fought for her.  We will never know the full story.  We will never know why it began or why it ended the way it did until we meet Him in heaven.  But what we do know 100% is that God did not make her sick.  He did not choose her to suffer.  Back to child like faith... God is good.  He wouldn't be a good God if He was giving out disease, causing accidents, or causing any kind of harm to anyone.  He is our Father.  Would you ever harm your child like that for any reason?  As my sweet friend Gina would say (and I love this), that would make God a child abuser.  And He is definitely not that.  You love your children no matter what.  You want the best.  You want them happy and healthy and would fight for that, right?  So, that's what I rest in.  I rest in Him, in His goodness.  I try not to think about the why's of the world because we will never know.  I rest in what I do know and hold on to her memories.  The Saturday before Mom passed away, I walked first thing in the morning with my friend and neighbor Gina.  We got caught in the rain.  Not just sprinkles, but pouring down rain.  It was actually pretty amazing.  For those of you who don't know but Gina leads an amazing bible study that I am in.  That's a whole other blog.  It's completely changed me.  We had a great walk in the rain and great conversation that Sat morning.  One of the things we talked about was me wanting to be with Mom when she passed away.  I wanted to be there and I wanted our family to be together.  I love her faith.  She said I could totally pray for that and pray for Mom to go when she's ready and to notice who all is around during that time.  Sunday night, she went to be with Jesus with our entire family there.  As we held her hand and talked to her, we watched her last breath and last heartbeat.  It was so peaceful.  Of course it was painful for us, but she was free.  She was healed and perfect again and on her way to the most beautiful place.  I am so lucky to have my family and friends so close.  I am like a year behind on thank you notes for different things but please know all you have done for me during this time has been greatly appreciated.  Callie, Cooper, and baby 3, you've kept me busy and have shown me how much God loves me through you.  Mike, thank you for loving me and keeping me together and hugging me when you knew I needed it and most importantly for letting me stay in my pjs all day, folding laundry, taking over the job of cleaning the playroom, and taking extra good care of our babies when I couldn't get out of bed some mornings.  Oh and not to mention going to work everyday and providing for our sweet family.  Even after almost 18 years of knowing each other, 5 of those being married, you still amaze me.  Back to the song I am loving lately.  Here it is.  Back to the basics.  Love the lyrics... "You are good...  You are love...  You are light...  You are hope...  You are peace...  You are truth...  You are joy...  You are life...  The riches of your love will always be enough..."   

I wanted to make sure I shared these pictures with family and friends who don't have instagram or Facebook.  I've been slacking on the blog this past year so I'm trying to update more.  I love looking back at past blogs.  One of these days I am going to try that website where you can print your blogs into a book. The first picture is our family celebrating Mom's 60th birthday last year.  We threw a surprise party for her.  We were a little hesitant at first on if we should as we would not know how she would be feeling.  Chemo left her tired and nauseated a lot of the time.  But we took a chance and threw it anyways.  We wanted to do something special for her and wanted all of her friends and family to be there.  We had no idea it would be her last birthday.  Thank you Lord for giving us that day of family, friends, and Mom.  

This year we celebrated Nana's birthday without her but know she was with us in spirit.  We woke up and grabbed some Krispy Kreme (Nana's favorite) and took it to Paw Paw and Mema.  We got some balloons for Nana as Callie had requested.  We decided to get helium ones so we could let them float up to heaven for Nana.  Cooper was there, but he popped his balloon before I could get a picture of him.  Ha!

Happy Birthday Nana!  Hope you like the polka dot balloons. We love and miss you XOXO