Look at that lil peanut! June 20th, we got the sweetest surprise. That's the day we found out we were going to have baby #3! Let's back up a little bit. After Cooper was born, we pretty much decided we were done. It was too risky and too scary to go through a third pregnancy. Some of the doctors in the group I went to even felt that way. Callie made it to 37 weeks but Cooper was born at 34.5 weeks and I experienced a Post Partum Hemorrhage and received a blood transfusion. Many of you heard that story. I was not in good shape but thank you Lord sweet Cooper and I were ok. So, many of my friends and family are probably a little freaked out by a third pregnancy. I will be honest... I'm not. A year after Cooper was born, Mike and I decided to speak with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr at Vanderbilt. There was a part of both of us that couldn't definitely say we were done having babies. We needed to talk to this high risk doctor before we decided to have any more kids or if advised, explore permanent birth control. We just couldn't make the decision without weighing our options. So in February of 2012, we met with MFM and found out that my chances of having Pre-eclampsia a third time were high since I had it with my first two. Usually if you have it a second time, its not as bad. In my case, it was worse. So there's always a chance that a third time around could be even worse. She did say that there were some other tests and preventative measures we can do along the way to decrease my chances of Pre-e and hopefully carry to term. I did test positive for a blood clotting disorder (anti-phospholipid antibody schmody blah). So, I had to wait 12 weeks and test again and if positive then I definitely had it. If it was negative, then great no crazy blood clotting disorder. So I was a little nervous in Feb when I found out it was positive so I went off birth control in the meantime until I took my second test. Birth control increases any normal person's risk of blood clots. No thanks, we will just chart my cycle instead of me having a blood clot and dying with a pulmonary embolism. We successfully charted my cycle since Feb. By successful, I mean we were avoiding ovulation days meaning avoiding having a baby since we had not made up our mind if we were really going for #3 or not. I think Mike and I both felt good walking away from our meeting with the MFM dr. We really felt comfortable with what she said and she ended our appointment with a statement that she didn't see any reason why we couldn't have a third baby. We would be watched extremely close. We would deliver at Vandy who has an amazing NICU if this lil one came early. They deal with a lot of crazy pregnancies and Pre-e patients. She did suggest waiting until August of 2012 to try to conceive as some studies showed something with the time between pregnancies affecting something. So all of a sudden we started thinking about really being able to have more children. That hope was almost completely gone for me after Cooper. I think Mike had completely ruled out a third pregnancy because of how scary this all was. But that meeting gave us a tiny lil bit of hope. It wasn't enough to make us both say "ok, Aug 1 we're going for it." And even explaining everything to friends and family, they were hesitant about going for it. We were excited but scared still. We never decided we were going to try for a third. We charted my cycle. I was regular every month. I could predict it every single month. Why was June different? Above, I said I am not freaked out by this pregnancy. This is why. I wish I would've saved the text from Jill. I had explained everything to her about my doctor's visit, etc. I wish I could remember her exact words. But she said something like "I will pray that God heals your body and you are able to have a healthy pregnancy and baby" I had been praying for so many miraculous things throughout my life but for some reason I never stopped to just give this to Him. I was so caught up in the "what if I die from another pregnancy" that I completely forgot that He is so much bigger than anything. From that point on I just began to pray that God would heal my body and prepare me for another baby someday. He knew how much Mike and I wanted more sweet babies. Even if I never had another pregnancy, we were going to explore adoption. But for now, we were just gonna wait and see. The girls in my bible study prayed over me during one of our first meetings. It was around Cooper's first birthday and I was so sad that I may never have any more babies. But Gina said the same thing Jill had said that God can totally heal me. As Mom became weaker, and Aug was approaching and Mike and I hadn't decided if we were going try for a third, I just began praying more and more about it. I knew my Mom had a limited time here on earth and I began feeling so sad for that and so sad that if I do have another baby, she may not be there for it. She was there for the delivery for both of my babies, in the room, holding my legs, putting cold rags on my face, cheering me on. She was such a huge part of our sweet miracles. How was I going to make it through another delivery without her. I began to specifically pray that if I were to have another baby that the Lord would fight for my Mom to be there. Or if not, that I would at least be able to share the news of a pregnancy with her. I just wanted to tell her in person. Please Lord, just give us that moment. June 20th, 2012 I took a pregnancy test. It was a faint pink line but it was there. Mike was out of town and totally didn't believe me at first. Ha! I hesitated at first if I should tell my Mom or not since she was about to have another small surgery the next day. But, I just began to sob. I knew this was my chance to tell her. I felt this overwhelming feeling to rush over there and share our news. I called and asked what they were up to and Mema was cooking dinner. She invited me over for some yummy pot roast and vegetables. After dinner the kids were playing with Mema and Paw Paw and I got some alone time with Mom. She was nervous about going through another procedure and just talked about how tired she was. I just sat and held her hand on the couch for a while. I knew I had to tell her before Mema or someone came back in the kitchen. I only wanted to tell her. I didn't want the rest of my family to know and worry about me on top of everything else going on. I told her and I can still remember her facial expression. She was so tired but it was a look of joy but followed by sadness as we both knew but didn't speak about the chance that she may never meet baby 3. Or really that baby 3 would never meet her. She will for sure know baby 3 as she will be one amazing angel carrying us through the next 9 months as well as the rest of our lives. The next day, her procedure didn't go so smooth and she spent the next 12 days in the ICU recovering from a complication. When she woke up in ICU and I or Mike would go visit, she would talk about the baby and baby names when no one was around. She knew we didn't want to tell anyone else. I know her favorite names were Sophia or Olivia for a girl and that she didn't like the name Conner for a boy. Conner was and may still be my favorite if we are sticking with "C" names. She fought hard in the ICU and was able to move to a regular room. Again, when it was just me and her, she'd ask how I was feeling. She was so excited for us but also as a Mom, a little worried. One night it was just her and I in the hospital room and she asked when baby 3 was due. I hadn't shared that with her yet. Our due date is March 4, 2013. Mom was diagnosed with stage IV gastric cancer March 4, 2011. Our sweet baby is due two years exactly after we received the worst news. Wow, God has a way of redeeming. March 4th has a whole new meaning. She said she'd be there. Of course she will. And what an amazing front row seat she will have. We just held hands and watched TV for a bit after that.
Why June? I conceived in June. But we didnt do anything different. We were still charting and avoiding. Mike actually traveled out of my town on my usual ovulation day. Hmmm. His timing is perfect. No worries from Mike and I. No feelings of panic or fear. We're both pretty calm. We never decided we would go for a third but God just kind of took it. I don't think we would've ever said yes lets do it. He knew what was on our hearts. He heard our prayers. He's totally got this. I am covered. My baby has an amazing Nana watching over him/her. I took the other blood clotting test a few weeks ago. It's negative. Thank you Lord that I don't have to inject blood thinners everyday. Thank You for healing my body little by little. Above is a picture of baby 3 at 9 weeks. I am currently 10.5 weeks. Everything is going smooth (well the nausea is kicking my butt) and baby 3 is doing great. My hope of a third baby was pretty much gone but look at us! We are trucking along and doing wonderful!
I sat in my nursery rocker for the first time last night since Mom passed away. Cooper woke up and Mike had been in and it was my turn to go see why Mr. Fussy pants didn't want to go back to sleep. I was so exhausted but as soon as I sat down and rocked that sweet child, I started to think about how special that rocker is. It has rocked all of my babies. It has held me. It held my Mom in her last week, days, minutes, seconds of life. She was in that rocker when she met Jesus. I let her borrow it when she came home from the hospital. It reclines and was perfect for her to prop her feet up. It's just a comfy chair for petite people. The material is soft. I wasn't sure how I would feel about moving that chair back home. It sat in our living room a while until we could get the upholstery cleaned. There was some medicines like liquid morphine on it and needed to be cleaned before back in Cooper's room. Last night, I rocked my sweet Cooper and thought of what a blessing it is to have that chair. What a blessing it will be in our new baby's room. Those sleepless nights of up and down feedings. Mom will be right there with me. I can't sit in that rocker without thinking of her and our journey through life together. What sweet precious time at night that will be for our new baby and I and even Mike.
Below is a picture of a Facebook message Mom wrote my sisters and I on the morning of her big surgery to remove her stomach tumor. It was the day we found out she did have cancer, March 4, 2011. It's been almost four weeks since Mom went to be with Jesus. I still sometimes want to pick up my phone and call or text her. Like last night after I heard on the news that Randy Travis was arrested naked and given a DUI. We would've just giggled at that. I miss her smile. I miss it all.
This is a Facebook message I wanted to share too. I love my Mom's spirit, her faith, her strength, her caring heart. I hope I am just like her someday.
